Animal Jokes. Part 1 (Dog Mom Is Always Right)

Jay Leno on Pet Scams

A Canadian psychologist is 
selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog 
is smarter than you.

 

Rita Rudner on The Perks of Dog Ownership

We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It’s cheaper, and you get more feet.

 

The Truth About Puppies

Just realized a pregnant dog is a dog full of puppies. That’s the best.

 

Dog Mom Is Always Right

“We’re eating 
dinner soon. 
Don’t fill up 
on homework.” 
—Dog mom

 

Harry Hill on Dog Enthusiasm

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It’s hardly ever for them.

 

When a Black Hole Crosses Your Path

Nature abhors a vacuum, but not as much as a cat does.

 

The Calculating Sheepdog

After a talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.”
“But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer.
“I know,” says the sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.”

Reid Faylor on Halloween

I dressed my dog up as a cat for Halloween. Now he won’t come when I call him.

 

Q: What Do You Call an Amish Guy…

Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.

Arachni-date

My girlfriend told me to take a spider out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer.

 

Game Respect Game

My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me 
everything you know.”

 

Bested by a Parrot

Wandering inside a pet store, 
I stopped in front of a birdcage to 
admire a parakeet. We watched each other for a few minutes before it asked, “Can’t you talk?”

 

A Tough Question, by George Carlin

What should you do when 
you see an endangered animal 
eating an endangered plant?

 

Breeding Doubt

I’m a dog trainer. Before I met with a new client, I had her fill out a questionnaire. One question asked, “Why did you choose this breed?”
My client responded, “I often ask myself this very same question.”

Why Did The Chicken Go to…

Q: Why did the chicken go to the 
séance?
A: To get to the other side.